I know the struggles of being a people pleaser all too well. Always overextending myself and never saying no.
Being hesitant to speak up for yourself or constantly worrying about who you are disappointing will eventually take a toll on your well-being. I was miserable and stressed all the time until I got fed up.
I grew tired of living for other people. We only have one life, right? So why spend it pleasing other people.
The path to ending your people pleaser personality is something you have to work at every day. You will not wake up tomorrow and instantly stop being a people pleaser.
But you can wake up tomorrow less of a people pleaser than you are today if you start working on yourself now.
5 WAYS TO STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER
1. SAY NO
NO! Does the word no exist in your vocabulary?
The first way to stop people-pleasing is to stop saying YES when you really want to say NO. It is okay to say no. You are not obligated to do or agree to anything that you don’t want to do or anything that makes you uncomfortable.
But saying no also makes you uncomfortable, right? Why? Most of the time it’s because you feel like you are disappointing someone or letting someone down. And what if you are? What if you are letting someone down? They will be okay!
You can’t put someone else’s needs above your own especially when it means sacrificing your mental health and well-being.
2. DEFINE YOUR BOUNDARIES
Learning to say no may be a little easier once you learn how to set boundaries. Boundaries are a guide you use to determine how you interact with others as well as how you allow others to interact with you.
So first, take a few moments and think about things you do that make you uncomfortable. For example, it could be letting a friend borrow money. You know that you don’t feel comfortable lending it, but you do it anyway. This is an example of you not respecting your boundaries.
Now think about behaviors from other people that make you feel uncomfortable. Does your partner yell at you? Does your co-worker invade your personal space? These are examples of people not respecting your boundaries.
But what good is it to have boundaries if we don’t inform otheres when our boundaries are not being respected? Find your voice and speak up the next time someone is disrespecting your boundaries. Once you have made the person aware, the behavior should cease.
3. SPEAK UP
SPEAK. You have to speak up for yourself. Yes, I know it’s hard, but it’s like a muscle that grows and gets stronger with each use.
What does speaking up look like? It looks like honestly expressing your own thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. It looks like not being afraid to stand up for yourself or holding back your feelings about a situation.
And it looks like being assertive and respectful in your communication with others.
You have a voice. Use it. It’s so powerful.
4. PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Another way to stop people pleasing is by learning to put yourself first. Put yourself first by taking care of your mind, body, and soul. Focus on your wellness.
How to take care of your mind: Seek out a therapist if you want to focus more on your mental health. Or maybe try yoga and meditating a couple of days a week to clear your mind.
How to take care of your body: Eat healthy, work out, and do more yoga! Incorporate this into a self-care routine that makes you feel loved and confident. And if your confidence is in need of a boost, check out my post on 5 Ways to Build Confidence.
How to take care of your soul: Get in touch with your spirituality – whatever that means to you. That could be something as simple as lighting a candle when you wake up and speaking a few words of gratitude.
If you’re interested in starting a spiritual journey in which you decide and create your own path, check out my post on Spirituality: A Guide For Beginners.
5. STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
You will always struggle with being a people pleaser if you are unable to stop caring about what other people think of you. Yes, other people’s opinions matter but not to the extent of living your life based on those opinions.
Trust me, your parents will be a-okay if you decide to major in art instead of business management.
Your friends will get over the fact that you now prefer to spend your weekends watching the Handmaids tails instead of partying.
Live for you. I beg you. I promise you’ll be so much happier.
TELL ME YOUR STORY?
What has been your experience with people-pleasing? Do you tend to put everyone’s needs before your own?
Leave me a comment below so we can discuss!